the girl with multiple Wonderlands
Alice
Where do I start with all that's been breaking your heart?
Where do I draw the line to give you peace of mind?
Tell me how should I feel about this
When all that I do never seems to be enough for you
I could give you the world and you'll still feel less
Give you a thousand assurance and still never run out of doubts
Even if the times are reversed
It will still be you
Even if I have known more
It will still be just you
I'll hold you still but know that I get tired, too
Tired of proving that it is always just you
Where do I start when you're already falling apart?
What do I say when all I wanted for you is to stay?
I don't know why I still do this -
recalling the days your hand is holding his
I don't need you to give the world so I would feel loved
Just honor your word and I will fight these doubts
It's hard to believe that it is just me
Cause maybe at the back of your head,
you're wondering what could have been
But if you say your words are true
Then I'll hold you still and trust you
Hold You Still
Tomorrow May Not Be Better
Today is another round of tears
Eating breakfast with puffy eyes
and re-telling the same stories you shared last night
You broke down one more time
before deciding to start the day normally
Showered the internal scars and
wash off the marks of a phone breakup
I know what you feel is a stinging pain
too deep, no words can give comfort
And even if you don't say it,
sometimes you wanted to take a step back just to feel better
one more try, a last chance to forever
But you remember how he said he loved you
after kissing another girl he just met
and all the corners of the city you shared
brings back the betrayal you have sworn to forget
I hope you know that no wound is too deep
to be beyond healing
your heart will one day find its mending
but today, cry if you have to,
tomorrow may not be better,
But tomorrow, I will be here
Today is a beginning of smiles
You survived 'til dinner
and looked forward to mornings
You deal with the remnants of a five year trek
with slow walks and courage
taking each step along with ten other pairs of feet
in a bigger city that gave you a fresh sheet
I hope you know you that you are not alone in this
your pain is a burden we can all share
so today, cry if you need to,
tomorrow may not be better,
but tomorrow we are still here
but
one
2.0
day
I cant point out the exact thing why I fell for you
Until now, it’s mysterious how suddenly we flipped to this side
All I knew was that you are a friend and having you around allows me to be just myself
Things seem to be working just fine for me
but with you in it, I looked forward for adventures
I didn’t know how but one day,
I do not have to wait for the weekend to see you
bec you'll meet me in the middle of the week for a quick dinner
And even when I still cant say everything,
we talked longer than one-liners through calls.
One day, I just didn't care about how people would cringe
if I talk too much about you.
Like I said, I have known you enough to conclude
that us being together would be a disaster
And I guess people saw it coming too
But I had hopes that somehow we'll get it through the warzone together
Even if I have always hated the thought of waiting,
I was willing to learn the pace and wait for this story to unfold
But one day, my insecurities got the best of me and I started doubting your intentions
One day, I felt like I had to raise my guards again and stay distant
I got scared with the thought that suddenly you now have the capacity to hurt me
that I had to make it seem like I care less than I do
And each day, it became an unconsciously natural habit
that you started questioning my sincerity,
our poor sense of communication adding salt to the wound
You have your flaws, yes,
and it's even more visible with how you respond to me
Yet like I've said, I could learn to live with that
if it's you by the end of all of this
But one day, you got tired, too
And your words cut down deeper than your songs for me
My pride told me to just agree and leave
bec there was nothing else left to fight for
I have no one to work this out with anymore
I still cannot promise you anything yet
but that I will use this space to grow
and continue to be a friend
- a better one than I have been
Itinerary
I've kept my heart hidden behind sturdy walls
Never texts back and answer calls
But your charm breaks through my screens
Melting this frozen heart,
taking me thousands of miles,
making me look forward for your replies
Now my walls are down
and I cant wait to get to know more of you
Your baby picture making me imagine
the kids we'll have in the future
Take me to your world, I wouldn't mind
I've been waiting long enough
I have long been prepared
Take this heart, I wouldn't complain
Through summer or winter,
I'll never say a thing
No matter how far,
just take me wherever you are
Song for You
There's a melody I'm humming
that morning I saw you coming
Green light on the street but
when our eyes met,
the cars slowed down
and I was there mesmerized with frozen feet
The chorus would sound like a lullaby
only that you never passed by
the same hour I saw you yesterday
Itching for the bridge, ohh I cant finish
You're the verse missing in my universe
In a band that's only built for you
to hear me sing a song
that's been for you all along
There's a melody I'm humming
that evening you said you're leaving
Red light can't seem to stop me
but my courage was nowhere near
so I said "me too,"
even when it killed me to watch you go
Slow days
slow days just let you be
no deadline, no itinerary
it took sleeplessness,
messed up schedule,
countless snoozes.
unanswered lament
to love this delay